You're gone almost a year and everything is so completely different without you. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would lose you this soon. I always looked at you as this incredible woman who had this amazing strength and courage and faced every thing with a positive attitude. Even when you were laying there and knew it was time for you to go, you looked at me with these loving eyes and told me that you loved me. I told you everything was going to be okay and you shook your head, yes, that it would be. I'm not so sure that it is. But I wonder if maybe you already knew it would be, but you had to leave it up to me to figure out how to make it that way. Well I'm trying and as usual I just hit dead ends. I try to have belief in myself and give myself that courage that I saw in you, but it's hard when I have no one to face it with. I'm not complaining though. I know this is the life I made for myself and it's things I must do on my own. But now I'm feeling guilty that I don't spend as much time with Daddy. But then there are times where I feel like maybe thats how it has to be. I want him to know how much I love him. I want to devote an entire day to him, just like I used to with you, but it's hard because he's usually has other plans or rushes. I just wish we could fall into a familiar routine that he and I shared with you. But things will never ever be the same again. No matter what I do. I know I need to face that extreme reality. I miss you more than words can ever say. I love you even more than that. Yesterday, today, tomorrow, always....