You were right about so many things mom. Even when you said I'd regret not listening someday. I do. And I miss you. Every minute of every day.

Miss you Mom... Not a day goes by that I don't. I hate what I got stuck with, what you left behind. It's not fair. You raised me to be the best I can be and to love with my whole being. So I do. My so-called family just beats my confidence down & likes to belittle me. I don't get it. What did I ever do to them? Other than to be the best sibling I could be. I never say no, I run the first instance something happens. I genuinely care. When all they do is shrug their shoulders. I should have listened to Daddy when he told me to just worry about me and F**k everyone else. I get screwed all the time. Wish I could feel you hug my hurting heart right now. It's nothing new Mom, it's always been like this. I'll always be just the outcast. Never anything more. You live and you learn. I just try to be the best Mom I could possibly be to my boys. I wish you were here to meet Joel. You'd love him to pieces. Come to me in my dreams, Mom. I need your comfort tonight I love you= & miss you, yesterday, today, tomorrow & always...

5 1/2 yrs later... its still just as hard as the day you left. I don't know who I am. I'm confused lost alone hurt afraid... I wish there was a way we could visit each other physically... whether it be traveling back through time or visiting in heaven every once on a while.... I miss my parents.... I love you yesterday today tomorrow and always....

every day i wish i could close my eyes and just be with you again

Hi mommy just wanted to let u know I was thinking of you and missing you every day. I hope you and daddy are ok up there. I feel guilty as if I'm grieving him so much and not you anymore. Truth is I miss you both terribly. Life sucks without you in it. Xoxo love you yesterday today tomorrow and always!!

Mommy is it possible to not understand or ponder who I miss more? I miss you both equally terribly. I wish you were both here to start this new journey of my life with me. I feel so jipped. I just wish I could make it all go away and makebit all disappear. I wish I could go back in time where I had everyone right here where they belonged. Please mommy send me some comfort tonight and let me feel your presence with me tomorrow. I love you so much and miss you even more.

Its been so hard without you here. It's even harder without you AND daddy. I'm so lost, alone, afraid, hurt, sad. I am so scared to move because I am so fearful of what the future will hold. My heart can't handle anymore hurt. My eyes can't cry any more tears. What does the world look like from Heaven when your looking down? Do you see the tears in my eyes? The pain in my heart? You both have been in my dreams lately & I know your telling me that you're here. But it still doesn't take away the pain. I think the only thing that I could thank God for is David. He is the only one who is keeping me going. Maybe that why he gave him to me when he did. Because God knew what was in store and knew I would need someone to keep me going. Because honestly Mommy, without David I wouldn't be here. It's amazing how an 8 year old little boy can bring so much light into my darkened world & how much his hugs, kisses, smile and "I love you's" can make the worst day seem instantly better. I'm just so glad he got to meet you guys. I just wish he got to experience the greatness of his grandparents a little longer. He loved Daddy so much. They were buddies. he cries for you. I try everything I can to keep both of your memories alive in his heart. Mommy... Please I ask one thing... PLEASE WALK BESIDE ME AND HELP ME BE THE MOTHER YOU WERE TO ME. I love and miss you ... yesterday, today, tomorrow...always...

Just thinking of u mom. I can't help but wonder how different life would be if u were still here. I am trying so hard to be strong but I'm not as strong as everyone thinks. My heart aches I feel numb and lost. I was forced to put my tree up this yr I have no desire to do a damn thing. Anyway I love u mom and ill miss u forever and a day

Hi Carol Another year has passed that your gone and I still miss you.Do I say Happy Anniversay nothing happy about you not being here.I can only hope your in a better place.I still miss talking to you at night your gone but not forgotten.Love your friend

Hey Carol, Your birthday was here do I say happy birthday in heaven I just did.It's sure not happy here with out YOU it still hard to believe your gone. I only hope you in a good place and having a good time,remember you always said in my next life this that I only wish your having a good things I'm sure you know alot of people and helping everyone.I miss you very much and my friend also it will never be the same.I'm praying for all of you. Love your friend Joan

Hi Carol,I just found my self at your site.I tryed to get on they wouldn't let me.So I'm trying again thinking of you always I speak to Janine she still missing you very much.David getting very big no more baby,it's been awhile your gone but I miss you talking to you on the phone late at night their no one like you so many people miss you.Knowing you I wouldn't be surprise your having a great time hope so anyway praying and thinking of you always. Love you Joan

Hey Mom, was just thinking of you... like I always am. Every minute of every day. Mother's day is next weekend. I just don't like to celebrate it as much, even though I'm a mother myself. I walk passed the card aisles in the stores that are just filled with Mother's Day items... and it kills me that I can't give any of this to you. I try to find cards for you because you're still my mom and my thoughts still sometimes just can't come together to be said out loud- So I look for a card to explain those feelings. And it angers me that I can rarely find them. Why can't they make cards for people who are in heaven ?? Just because they can't get them physically!!! David has gotten so big! He's turning into such a little man. He still asks and cries for you from time to time. I try everything in my power to keep him from forgetting about you. Thats my biggest fear, I think. That he won't remember you. That he'll forget what you looked like. There are days that seem like things are easy finally and that life has finally moved on... These are usually my busiest days... But, then there are those slow days, when all is said and done. And I have the time to sit back and breathe. I can't help but think of you and wonder if you hear my thoughts, feel my broken heart. Sometimes I wish you were just a phone call away and I'd get to speak to you and hear your voice whenever i wanted. Even if that was the only way to contact you I wouldn't care if I had to wait until it was my time to hug & kiss you. At least I'd have something. I love you mom.... yesterday, today, tomorrow...ALWAYS XoXoXoXo

Mom, how do you love someone else's favorite holiday when that someone else isn't here to share it with anymore? I don't ask for people to pity or feel sorry for me, but sometimes I just feel like they don't understand just how much I really miss you. How much I really need you... or how much I really really love you. I know you're with me every where I go every single day. But thats not good enough for me anymore. Not seeing your face anymore kills me. Not hearing your voice anymore wracks my heart with such sorrow. Anytime I was upset, your arms were always the best place to be. I just hope with all my heart that you don't feel the sorrow in Heaven that we feel without you here. Even though we are barely a family anymore, we still are your family and we all still love you. I close my eyes at night and I try to dream of the day that we're together again. Where I'm not trying to remember what your face looks like or how your voice sounds because I'll see it and hear it right there. When you died, even though I took it hard, I thought I was prepared. Prepared because I was with you until you left this earth and I saw your pain and suffering and I thought I understood. And I do. I understand your leaving, it was too much. But the suffering didn't end, it was just passed on down. 2 years later and I thought I'd had found a way to cope with the hurt and pain by now. But every day I live it just seems like the pain is only sharper. I hate being a "Motherless Daughter". Our Sundays used to consist of us usually meeting up with Grandma, Aunt Elaine and/or Aunt Marilyn, going shopping, yard-saling, or just hanging out and spending time together. My Sundays now consist of stopping by your resting place to tell you how much I miss you and that I still wish you were here. Ovtober 29, 2007 I was with you at Dr. Dhar's office because you were slipping fast. Your memory had already gone down hill and all pain was worse that before. But yet, you never forgot me. You knew already that it was bad and you told me that you wanted to see the kids on halloween one last time and I told you that it wasn't the last one. We lost grandma just the year before and I asked Dr. Dhar if I could please have you for one last Christmas. I didn't have Grandma the Christmas before and this was one of your favorite holiday and I just wanted it to be one last hurrah. But you didn't make it. I resented everyone for it, and even myself. I guess somewhere down the line some how some way I just need to hear the words from you that I did okay and that you understand. I love you mom, Merry Christmas in Heaven. Love you yesterday, Today, Tomorrow, Always, Janine

Hi Mommy. Just stopping by to let you know that I'm thinking of you as always, and I love you... yesterday, today, tomorrow, always..

i love you

It's been a while. Too long of a while, I'm sorry. How is it up there? What is it like to look down on your loved ones? Do you really see the hurt and suffering the way that we see and feel it? I'm just curious, Mommy. David is in 1st grade now. He's doing good in school. I'm trying to be the best Mom I can be. I try to instill in him all the things you've taught me. He is my best friend, just like I was yours. God, I miss you so much. That is something that will never change until you're waiting on the other side for me. Almost 2 years and our last goodbye still plays over in my mind every night while I'm laying in bed. I hold that night so close to my heart because I cherish our last goodbye. I cherish the fact that I had that opportunity with you to give you a final goodbye before you left forever. I cherish the fact that I held your hand through it all. I cherish the fact that you were the greatest Mother in the world & cherish the fact even more that you were mine. It seems the only time I can let out some emotions is if I come on the computer listen to some music and let myself cry. I can't really cry at your grave anymore. But it's there. If they did an x-ray on my heart, they'd see how many pieces it is in. I sit here and wonder how much different it is for you now. Who you're spending your time up there with... Grandma, Papa & Uncle David as well as Grandma & Grandpa (your parents). Someday, I'll know the answer. Mommy, just look over Daddy. He needs your guidance. He misses you and is so absolutely heartbroken without you. I worry about him so much. I wish I knew what to do to make it better... I miss you so much & love you more... Yesterday, today, tomorrow, always...

You sheltered me from harm, kept me warm. You gave my life to me, set me free. The finest years I ever knew were all the years I had with you. And I would give anything I own. I'd give up my life, my heart, my home. I would give everything I own, just to have you back again. You taught me how to love, what it took. You never said too much but still you showed the way, I'm watching you. Nobody else could ever know, the part of me that can't let go. And I would give anything I own. I would give up my life, my heart, my home. I would give everything I own, just to have you back again. Is there someone you know, you're loving them so, but taking them all for granted? Well you will lose them one day. Someone takes them away and they don't hear the words you long to say. I would give anything I own. I'd give up my life, my heart, my home. I would give everything I own, just to have you back again... Just to touch you once again... i miss you. mommy... love you yesterday today tomorrow always...

Tomorrow will mark a year that I was last able to hear you tell me how much you loved me. The last time I would be able to hear you laugh and the last time I'd be able to see you look at me with the motherly love in your eyes. I can't tell you how much I miss you mommy. I love you yesterday today tomorrow always.

You're gone almost a year and everything is so completely different without you. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would lose you this soon. I always looked at you as this incredible woman who had this amazing strength and courage and faced every thing with a positive attitude. Even when you were laying there and knew it was time for you to go, you looked at me with these loving eyes and told me that you loved me. I told you everything was going to be okay and you shook your head, yes, that it would be. I'm not so sure that it is. But I wonder if maybe you already knew it would be, but you had to leave it up to me to figure out how to make it that way. Well I'm trying and as usual I just hit dead ends. I try to have belief in myself and give myself that courage that I saw in you, but it's hard when I have no one to face it with. I'm not complaining though. I know this is the life I made for myself and it's things I must do on my own. But now I'm feeling guilty that I don't spend as much time with Daddy. But then there are times where I feel like maybe thats how it has to be. I want him to know how much I love him. I want to devote an entire day to him, just like I used to with you, but it's hard because he's usually has other plans or rushes. I just wish we could fall into a familiar routine that he and I shared with you. But things will never ever be the same again. No matter what I do. I know I need to face that extreme reality. I miss you more than words can ever say. I love you even more than that. Yesterday, today, tomorrow, always....

Today is my 24th birthday, and my 1st birthday without you. I never thought that it would be this hard. i never thought it would be this at all. i always looked at it, like it was just another obstacle in our journey through life but one that i knew that you could cross and get over with so much strength in pride. i never realized it would take you in the blink of an eye. i will try my hardest to enjoy today without you, because when you died so did the family. no one gets together anymore. all i have is david and daddy. mommy i wish i could pull you back from heaven and back into reality forever. just as long as it is without all the pain and suffering. i love you mommy, yesterday, today, tomorrow...always...

Happy 1st birthday in Heaven Carol. I know that you are watching down on everybody. Please watch over your family. They all need you right now. Love and Miss you, from Erin

Dear Carol, I wa so shocked when i heard you were gone. You had so much love in your heart and I instantly thought you were great from the moment I met you. You were there for me back in the day, even though it was 1 time, it still showed you cared. I'll never forget that. More importantly, I'll never forget you. R.I.P. Carol.

Happy Birthday to you... Happy birthday to you... Happy birthday to Mommy... Happy birthday to you... Your first birthday in heaven... I never thought it would be this soon. I honestly thought that I would have so much more time with you. Mommy you had so much courage and strength in you, I thought for sure that you could do it. I backed you up and tried so hard to carry you where you were falling behind. I wish I could have carried you completely. I would have traded places with you in an instant had God given me the chance. You didn't deserve any of what you suffered. I wear the mom ring I bought you 8 years ago for mother's day. I still remember the day that I gave it to you. Everyone is silently suffering without you. I talk about you every chance I get mommy. Nothing in this world will ever come close to the love and the memories you and I shared. My mother, my very best friend. All our times together & our inside jokes. What I wouldn't give right now to hear you laugh or to say I love you just one more time. Or even just to here you yell at me for some dumb thing I did. It's amazing how those little things are the things you miss more than ever when you lose someone you love... I love you mommy, with every single piece of me. Yesterday, today, tomorrow, always...

Why does it have to be a memory?? Why can't you just be here? WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE MY MOM????? Why do I have to miss out on all the mother/daughter conversations. Our last goodbye plays over and over in my mind every single friggin day. I keep thinking of ways to try to turn back time and have you here again. There is so much that I don't believe in anymore now that you're gone. You were my everything I needed. I'm trying to settle into my new place and everything is just going haywire. Nothing is going right. I want to just lay down and die with you. I had the courage to be strong when you were alive, now that you're gone, I just want to give up on everything. I know I can't, but I don't have that support anymore. I wasn't ready to say goodbye even though I had no choice because I knew you were going to leave whether I did or didn't. April asked me why I still have the pillow that you laid your head on as you took your last breath. The reason is, is because it's the very last thing I have of you. I watched you lay there on that pillow, with that look of helplessness on your face and I sat there and asked God to just let you be in peace if there was nothing else I could do. The pain I have inside of me is nothing compared to your pain, I know. But it's almost unbearable.Mom please come back to me, even just once. Let me just see you face to face, feel your arms around me and tell me that you understand and that it will be okay. Please tell me that you'll always be near because I don't really feel anything. I want to be able to feel your presence here with me. I want to be able to hear your laughter again. I want to be able to hear your words of advice, I want everything back. God, I just want my mom. I love you mom, yesterday, today, tomorrow, always... with every single piece of me.

a motherless daughter. thats what i have become. i know you had no choice in leaving, but i wish i had a choice in making you stay. not to suffer any more pain though, but to make you better, and keep you here. bring you back to the way you used to be. i'm missing you so much lately mommy. daddy doesn't understand how i'm feeling inside. he's got a thousand people to turn to, and a reason to feel sorry for himself. but i don't. between the fact of working all week and then trying to move... when do i have time for me? my life is changing rapidly, and god how i need your hugs and words of wisdom right now. everyone tells me how proud you would be of me right now. im such astrong girl. they dont know how weak i am without you. i barely get through the day without feeling the impact of losing you at least once..i wish that just one more time... i could be with you again, doesn't matter where how or when, but sooner than later, just to be able to say everything that i can't anymore. i miss coming home laying in bed with you just talkinug about everything and anything that came to mind... i miss going out on sundays and shopping with you... our favorite restaurant is no longer open... and as pathetic as it sounds, it broke my heart. it was like another piece of you being ripped away.... i love you mommy. with every single piece of me. yesterday, today, tomorrow, always.

Happy New Year, Mommy. It's been almost a month since I signed on here and wrote. It's just been too hard for me mom. I have these feelings that when I park the car, I'm going to come upstairs, and there you'll be, just laying on the couch watching T.V. I'll come in and I'll take care of your every need the best that I can. Then, when I open the door, I open it to nothing but lonliness. The couch is empty, the t.v. is off... Its quiet. All I have when I walk into that house, is memories. Both good and bad. I went to the prayer house today and taped a card to the wall where your picture is. I wrtoe my feelings in that card because it was the only way I knew how to try to let some of my pain out of my system. Mommy, I love you so much. Merry Christmas & Happy New Year in Heaven... You're headstone is beautiful I hope you like it too.. I love you, Mommy. With every single piece of me. Yesterday, today, tomorrow, Always...

Thanks, for the times that you've given me. The memories are all in my mind. And now that we've come to the end of our rainbow, theres something I must say out loud. You're once, twice, three times a lady, and I love you. Yes, you're once, twice, three times a lady, and I love you. I love you... When we are together, the moments I cherish with every beat of my heart. To tuch you, to hold you, to feel you, to need you... Theres nothing to keep us apart... You're once, twice, three times a lady, and I love you. I love you.. I remember you used to love this song, and pretty much any song that Lionel Richie sang. Mommy, you're three times a lady to me. You'll forever be in my heart, in my prayers, and on my mind. Until we meet again Mommy. Christmas is in a few days. I just can't wait for this all to pass. I feel like I'm living life in a daze. I'm going on like I'm ok, but I do know that I'm beating myself up inside, but I have to be strong for us. I have to carry on, forcing myself to fully believe you're okay. I'm hoping for signs, but at the same time, trying to keep a close eye that I don't miss ones you may have already tried to send. I love you Mommy, with every single piece of me, Yesterday today, tomorrow Always... Say hello to Grandma, Uncle David & Papa too... I love them too.

mom i just want to pull your right out these pictures and just wrap my arms around you. i need one of your hugs so bad right now mommy. god i wish i could just turn back time and fix it all where everything would be okay and you, you would still be here. now all i can do is sit at your grave and just wonder the what if's... what if we found a cure and you were here again.. what if we could have those last few days, even hours back....what would we do different? you held up your left arm to me at 3:30 a.m. on 11/4/07, you looked at me and asked me to hold your hand. i held it as i rubbed your face. mommy, you told me you loved me, and i told you i loved you back and that it would be okay. i tried my hardest not to let you see the tears that were building in my eyes. So I just told you to rest, that I'll be right next to you for whatever you needed. I never left your side. I long for those moments again. That stupid chair has become so sentimental to me. I slept it that chair for the last three months of your life, I still do some times now too. This site is the only thing I have to turn to try to spill the feelings I have inside. The tears I need to flow come from me sitting here writing to you. I love you Mommy, with every single piece of me... Yesterday, today, tomorrow, always....

Mommy A month... A month ago, I was sitting next to your bedside, watchinig you struggle to survive. I sat there and held your hand while just looking at you and seeing such an incredibly strong woman. I thought about all the things you taught me, all the laughs we had. All the tears. All the fun. Then, I looked at you, and I prayed with every thing in me that I could possibly gather, I prayed that you wouldn't have to suffer any more. I prayed that if I or Daddy or God couldn't bring you back to how you used to be before this all happened, then to show you a better pain- free life. That was the most heart-breaking thing I'd ever have to pray for. It hurt so much know that was what he felt was best for you. But it is what it is now. I love you so much, mommy... and I love you, with every single piece of me. Yesterday, today, tomorrow, always...

Carol Today is a month your gone and sadly missed.So many times during the day I think about you.My thoughts and prayers are with you.Be at peace my friend Love Ya Joan

I wouldn't know what to say I wouldn't know what to do If you came back from Heaven and I would look at you. Would I fumblefor the words? Would I be a little shy? Would I bust right out with laughter? Would I break right down and cry? If you came back from Heaven, would it be like it was then? Could we just pick up where we left off and try it all again? If you came back from Heaven, it would freeze me in my tracks. And I hope God knows, if he let you I'd never send you back. Do your kisses feel the same? Do you still have the same touch? Will you whisper softly that you've missed me so much? Have you heard all my prayers when I lay down at night? Did you feel my body when I held your pillow tight? If you came back from Heaven, would it be like it was then? Could we just pick up where we left off and try it all again? Oh, if you came back from Heaven, it would freeze me in my tracks, and I hope God knows if he let you go, I'd never send you back. And if God forbid you leave this earth again while I see... I hope he knows if you go, you'll be bringing me. If you came back from Heaven, would it be like it was then? Could we just pick up where we left off and try it all again? If you came back from Heaven, it would freeze me in my tracks... And I hope God knows, if he let you go, I'd never send you back...

gaga i am sitting on mommys lap watching this video and typing this to you. thank you for being there for me and for being the best gaga in the whole wide world. no one will ever be beter than you. mommy and papa miss you so much. please look over me gaga, let us know you're ok. i'm trying to be good for santa. and i'll be good for you. i love you gaga

MOMMY David sings this song for you>>>> I just want you close, where you can stay forever. You can be sure that it would only get better. You and me together, through the days and nights, i don't worry cuz everythings gonna be alright people keep talking they can say what they like but all i know is everythings gonna be alright no one no one no one can get in the way of what im feeling no one no one no one can get in the way of what i feel for you... when the rain is pouring down and my heart is hurting, you will always be around, this i know for certain. you and me together, through the days and nights, i dont worry cuz everythings gonna be alright people keep talking they can say what they like but all i know is everythings gonna be alright no none no one no one can get in the way of what im feelin no one no one no one can get in the way of what i feel for you... i know... some people search the world to find something like what we have, i know people will try to divide something so real so til the end of time im telling you theres no one, no one , no one can get in the way of what im feelin no one, no one no one can get in the way of what i feel for you... we both miss you terribly mommy... david cried so bad the other day, and i just felt horrible. i didnt know what to do. i know you have a big smile on your face and get a kick out of him singing the song the way he does... but he means it mommy, from the bottom of his heart.. we love you, with every single piece of US... yesterday, today, tomorrow, always...

Mommy, I'm taking David & Jackie to go see the Christmas tree in Rockerfeller Center. I love you, and I know I'm going to be thinking about you while I'm there looking at it. I love you so much, and I miss you even more. Thank you, Mommy, for everything you've ever done for me. Thank you, for being my mother. You were the greatest mother and role model any one could ever ask for. I love you mommy... with every single piece of me. Yesterday, today, tomorrow, always...

Dear Carol,You know their so many people that miss you me for one.It's hard when you speak to some one on the phone every day for years.You have been a very good best friend to me.I go to the phone to call you,what did we fine to talk about we always found some thing or someone.When I called the last few months you even answer when the pain was so bad.To hear you talking in so much pain and never gave in to it.I said I wish I could take your pain even half of it you said I wish to still had your humor once in awhile.You suffered and never gave up.Remember last year you called me and said did I want to go to the cemetery in LI, you and JJ was going to Edna and David and you knew my mom and dad was there.JJ Janine got out found the grave.You and I looking for my parents you go to talk to JJ I'm still looking all of a sudden I'm standing on their grave not thirty feet away.Look at this now your in charge to put the flowers on my grave when I go. I'll be right here and I know you come out here all the time.You wasn't suppose to go first.Then he took you away.Your pain is gone your at peace he knew you was suffering and he only takes the best.I know he must have a special job up in heaven for you, he knows how good you are.your pain is gone and thats what is important,it broke our hearts to lose you so soon.Your pain free and at peace.I know your looking down and I know you'll be fine cause you always fit in with everyone.Your with many many people you know and love.Give moo my love check on him.Love you my friend and miss you more than you know. Joan

Good morning, mommy. I know you don't want us to be sad. You want us to get into the spirit of the holidays, but it's so hard when we used to do all of this with you. I never imagined losing my mother so soon. I envy the ones who still have theirs. I know I still have you, but I want you here. I want to see you. I had a dream with you in it last night. But you still weren't telling me you were okay. You looked like you did before you were sick, but I don't know, maybe you did tell me, and I just didn't pick up on the sign. God, Mommy.... I went to the prayer house last night, and I asked God why you??? I'm sorry but it's just how I feel... Why did I have to lose out on you? Why did my mom have to go? I felt that way with Grandma too. Tell Grandma I still think of her (even though I'm sure she knows) and that I miss her dearly too. I wish the two of you TOGETHER will come to Daddy & I... I love you guys, all of you, with every single piece of me. Love you -- yesterday, today, tomorrow, always...

Dear Carol, I know you are in a better place. You were a good sister-in-law. You will be missed very much! Love Margaret.

Mommy, I thought about you so much today. From the simpliest tasks, something would strike me that reminded me of you. Whether it was a voice on the phone, the kindness of a friend, or just the simple pleasures of driving around with you. I'm lost with out you. So is Daddy. He needs your presence more than anyone else. I know you must be happy to see how close we've become, I know it's something you always said you wanted. I love you mommy, I miss you, and I just want Christmas to be over with. I went to the prayer house today. I feel like I've lost my faith a little bit, mommy. I know he took you because we couldn't make you better. But why did you have to suffer in the first place??? Why couldn't he cure you instead of making you suffer the way you did?? Why did he have to choose you??? Mommy I'm not angry you're gone. I'm angry that I couldn't make you stay. I'm hurt and heartbroken without you, but I'm happy and satisfied knowing your not suffering and not in pain and in peace. I'll talk to you later... Love you mommy, yesterday, today, tomorrow, always...

Hi, mommy. Well today, the christmas music has finally started.. I must say I hate hearing it. I just wish I could close my eyes and it would all be over with, christmas would be gone in the blink of an eye. But unfortunately, I can't. :-/ So I'm going to have to face it either way.... I love you mommy, yesterday, today, tomorrow, always...

Good Morning, Mommy. Happy Thanksgivivng. Here is our first Thanksgiving apart. It sucks... I've never been apart from you for any holiday in 23 years. Why did it have to start now? I shot around a couple of ideas to Daddy last night about the foundsation, and he liked them. I will mommy, I will keep that promise to you. If it takes me forever to accomplish it, please know that I've already started working on it. There is a cure, and I will help find it. I won't let your name go down without a fight, just like you. I'm going to make sure that something happens, and it happens in your memory. I love you mommy, yesterday, today, tomorrow, always.... Happy Thanksgiving... tell Grandma, Papa, & Uncle David I said that too...

Carol, what can I say, with tears in my eyes I sit here remembering all the good times we had together.. so many laughs..sitting on the stoop talking on Weed Ave and having coffee in the mornings.. I also remember when you lived in Midland beach.. I use to drop the kids off at school and go to your house and I use to make breakfast.. Oh, so many happy memories. You use to take me for driving lessons too.You took me to Todt Hill for the first time. Thank God no one was walking in the street. We laughed so much. There are to many happy times. Remember we made the flowers for Traceys wedding. I could never type all of the great times we had. When Marty passed I felt like I passed with him. Things were never the same. You gave me this little card that I am reading right now...FRIENDS FOREVER,one of the lines reads: We're joined in a friendship that time cannot sever, With bonds we have built We'll remain friends forever. Those words are so true. Then I moved away and I know you told me once you never like to say good bye. So I won't, I will say good night Carol. I know you are in no more pain and I am happy you are at peace now. I know you are smiling down on all of us. So listen Doctor Quincey or is it Doctor Quinn..: ) you take care of Marty up there till we all meet again. Have the coffee ready (hugs) Lots of Love My Friend. ( You will be missed big time)

Carol, my wife, my love, my sidekick, part of me is with you now. The other part will be hard to carry on but as always we managed. I will miss the fights and arguements dearly. I watched you rise from hard times to a great job where you made many friends and was loved by so many. That was proven in Hanley's. You were truly loved. But nobody can nor will they ever love you like I did. The last few years,w hile you were in treatment, it drew us closer to where no words can explain. I'll miss you makikng Christmas, for our family. I'll miss you being next to me. I'll miss you fighting with me, but one thing I'll always have is you in my heart and cherish those memories forever. I was told by so many that I was your rock, you could have never made it this far because the way I done things for you. Babe, that was the easy part, because I got it from you, to never give up. And if I could have you back again, I would do it again in a heart beat. I know now that you are painfree, fright free, and in peace, when I look up in the sky where our trailer is, where millions of stars can be seen. I will have no problem locating you. You will always be the brightest star ever, because thats the way you shined light on us all. Look down upon us and always guide me, I love you Carol. And always will till we meet again, babe. Love You Always, and forever, JJ