Janine 3rd May 2010

Hey Mom, was just thinking of you... like I always am. Every minute of every day. Mother's day is next weekend. I just don't like to celebrate it as much, even though I'm a mother myself. I walk passed the card aisles in the stores that are just filled with Mother's Day items... and it kills me that I can't give any of this to you. I try to find cards for you because you're still my mom and my thoughts still sometimes just can't come together to be said out loud- So I look for a card to explain those feelings. And it angers me that I can rarely find them. Why can't they make cards for people who are in heaven ?? Just because they can't get them physically!!! David has gotten so big! He's turning into such a little man. He still asks and cries for you from time to time. I try everything in my power to keep him from forgetting about you. Thats my biggest fear, I think. That he won't remember you. That he'll forget what you looked like. There are days that seem like things are easy finally and that life has finally moved on... These are usually my busiest days... But, then there are those slow days, when all is said and done. And I have the time to sit back and breathe. I can't help but think of you and wonder if you hear my thoughts, feel my broken heart. Sometimes I wish you were just a phone call away and I'd get to speak to you and hear your voice whenever i wanted. Even if that was the only way to contact you I wouldn't care if I had to wait until it was my time to hug & kiss you. At least I'd have something. I love you mom.... yesterday, today, tomorrow...ALWAYS XoXoXoXo